Lady of the house
the motherhood on motherhood


Finding childcare has been the most difficult and most stressful thing in my life – this I am certain.  Allow me to confirm that in Canada, childcare is a national issue.  Harper makes me so mad!  A $100 bucks does me NO good. (great summary here — $100 is really $73 and doesn’t fix problems)  I can not get care for my 12 month old boy.  My daughter at 3+ years is easier but I am still faced with driving back to my old neighbourhood for a daycare because I put my daughter on the list when I was seven weeks pregnant.  In my new neighbourhood, I get lip service.  Importantly, however, no one will take a baby.  Daycares in the beaches do not accept children under 2.5years.  Homecares only want one baby and they are full up.  So I have to look for a nanny.

Besides … $100 bucks.  who are we kidding?  Homecare = lowest is $40 bucks a day, more likely $55  Daycare = $900 – 1100 PER child.  Unless you work part-time and can forgo the morning and apres 3pm extra fees, its a grand per kid.  Nanny = consider $100 bucks a day, plus TTC pass at $120 a month.  That’s $28 to 34K grand!! after you pay the tax man.  Sure – some people hire live in nannies who really live out and others pay under the table which I’m not interested in doing to a migrant worker. 

I’m voting on childcare so Harper is out but I need to understand other platforms.  All day kindergarten is good but “all day” means 9 to 3pm so that’s not a complete solution either.  Ah.. what a worry.

gotta go to bed now.


Its freaky friday and my body and mind has been taken over by a 3 year old.  I feel incapable of making decisions today – partly, I just don’t feel I have the generous time allottment of the past and other part, I don’t have the money to make decisons easy.  I *hate* being on a fixed income – seeing my savings dwindle down, worried if the car will hold out.  I’m just overcome today and feel like I am losing my mind.  Is that depression?  I am certain that alcholism must come with the arrival of the second kid.  

I was in ikea today upon suggestion from richer sister to get a hallway shelving unit that will help organize the shit hanging around the house.  Just as I found it and was evaluating what to do, it was time to get my daughter from the play area.  So, dump the project and go get her. 

I feel like I’m playing victim lately and I absolutely *hate* this space.


It has been a very long time since my last post – about my  home depot bad installation service rants. 

This blog was, at its creation, dedicated to sharing the long and horrible experience that I had with Home Depot installation services in Canada, having bought an Andersen screen door for $250 ending up paying closer to $900 because of all the mix up, bad service at home depot.  I reached over a 1000 people and hear lots of other similar horror stories about Home Depot.  I hope they have improved since.

I deleted most of my old posts with a willingness now to move on now.  I maintained another blog intended for personal but a bunch of my work colleagues knew of this other blog and RSS’d it.  Truthfully, I just want to go underground again.  Become anonoymous.  Get back in the closet so to speak.  I don’t want to share my intimate details of my life with co-workers.  Its the difference between facebook and linkedin.  I *hate* having colleagues mixed up in my facebook contact list unless they are close friends as well.

So.. here’s go going underground, off the grid.


I hit an all time low today.  I spanked my 3 year old – officially – over my knee with three swift spanks to the bum. 

She ran across the road without me, without looking – not once but twice – in a state of defiance.  To make matters worse – she then ran down the street (on the sidewalk) and would not return till I announced going up the stairs to our house first (to which she wanted to be first).  I know I’m exhausted – totally exhausted from having a newborn and I feel completely unable to mentally, verbally arm wrestle a defiant 3 year old.  So with three hits to the bum, she was sent to her room.

On one hand, I am pleased that I’ve not done this and she is 3.   And yet, I’ve tried with time outs, with consequences, with getting down on her level to explain this.  Ah.. I am tired.  At very least, I called my twin for twinpower.

I’m so afraid of scaring her.  And yet, I simply can not have her running amok on the road.  I just feel so frightened that something bad will happen to her.  I hate operating in fear all the time.


Its true – daycare in this country is a real problem.  I just moved “up” to a new neighbourhood in Toronto – oh its a bigger house, detached, reasonable backyard, amazing porch (and no parking, no reno, unfinished basement with problems..).  But very expensive daycare in the region.  I have six months to go on my mat leave – two children – one is six months, and the other is 3 years. 

I tried to get on the Balmy Beach waiting list but was told I was out of district.  True I said to the Daycare coordinator for TDSB, but my district has no school attached daycare so why can’t I get on the waiting list.  She told me that Balmy Beach daycare was just filled with teachers kids and parents who had siblings anyways.  I was pretty pissed at that answer.  This lady then proceed to tell me that I live in a good neighbourhood and that I should be able to afford daycare.  (piss off! what do you know of my situation).

Harper can keep his lousy $100.  It doesn’t help with daycare costs and it doesn’t get me a space in this tough neighbourhood.